Even the Dawn fades...

Sometimes, I forget the way your face looked… I forget the faces it made… and I forget how you looked when I made you angry and I was the source of your scorn…  but I think you were my closest friend in a time when I didn’t speak much to others…

I have few pictures and fewer memories left it seems... and I as I write this, I realize I do not remember how you sounded when you spoke… nor do I remember the sounds that must have danced about when you laughed…

I realize an entire lifetime was lost that day, and all that remained was a small footnote in local paper somewhere… nothing more would ever change about you… you will always be that age… you will be so young with you entire life ahead of you… and I can only dream of who you would have become.

I wish I could have offered you more time… I wish I could have been there… I know, I should have been there… I can’t imagine the sights that were your last on this earth… nor can I put into words the sorrow I feel as I imagine your last thoughts before leaving this world… you must have been so cold…and felt so alone… staring helplessly into the night’s sky,  a sky that I so often gaze towards to this day…

I wonder, did you think we had abandoned you?.... Did you cry out for me? ….But I never came… I hope those last moments passed quickly and that you forgive me for not protecting you as I always had... I wish for you some sort of peace, that for such a beautiful vibrant flame to have been extinguished in such a callus and violent manner fills me with such a great sorrow that fear I may never live to be the tribute that you deserve.

Its been a long time, and sometimes I wonder perhaps if it wasn’t all just a movie I once saw… and I realize at this point in my life I have been without you for more years than I spent growing up with you… its rare a day goes by without some thought of who you might be today… I'm sorry you had to go, I think you may have had more to offer than I… but I’m trying….

Goodnight, and I’m sorry we haven’t talked more…

Even the the beauty of the dawn must fade to give way to the birth of another day....

If We

If we reach a point where humor is considered a weakness and insults a passion, how long is it before stupidity is a virtue. 

Being extraordinary is not about words on a wall, nor about a singular action, but a pattern of selflessness and grace... for when we give ourselves and allow another to become more than we are we transcend the boundaries of what we are... personally I believe being extraordinary is a but a falsity, you can become attached to your own self worth and a false idea as yourself as a deity. 

Sometimes losing the need to be special is the truly extraordinary feat... only once you learn to be who you really are, free from the constraints and scars of life do you come to find that being special is useless. Resist tying yourself to others perception of you, if you do whats right, you are not being special... you are doing what you were always meant to do.